If I posted a fragment from a Fear Mythos/Creepypasta (crossover?) story I'm working on, would anybody be willing to read it, or comment on it?
It's based around the (mis)adventures of Rosa, an orphan who just happens to be one of Slenderman's three Elite Proxies (The other two being, of course, Masky and Hoody. It's practically a given.). She's given a set of abilities that far surpass the other Proxies, gets privileges (Such as, but not limited to, mouthing off at her boss) and is an overall very strong character in a world where such people are generally the Fears themselves.
and then it all goes to hell.
She goes down with it, make no mistake. She loses her statues as a Proxy and all of the benefits that came with it; she loses bits of her sanity as time goes on, due to the fact that the world around her is complete and utter Chaos; and while she manages to weather the storm for a while with the aid of a certain soft-hearted Creepypasta and a certain Jerkass Creepypasta who's often seen by his fans as a Draco in Leather Pants, she eventually loses their support too.
For those of you who don't believe me when I say that Jeff the Killer's a Draco in Leather Pants-
I don't think my point could be any stronger.
The first chapter is currently under the scrutiny and editorial pen of K (who I would trust with writing my will if it came to it).
(It'll probably come to that.)
And the sweet one's Eyeless Jack. personally, I've always seen him as sort of kind (relatively speaking) considering this- he could have killed his victims and had at all of their organs, including the ones they would have needed in life- heart, lungs, liver, uterus (mention that because, unless it's a surgery performed by a very skilled surgeon, most removals of the uterus end in death of the patient due to internal bleeding and trauma to the organs around it ((it's nestled snugly between the intestines and the bladder, two organs you really don't want to damage)). It's no wonder Jack the Ripper killed his victims before taking theirs.), and, most importantly, the brain. Instead, he opts to take one of their kidneys, while they're asleep, and leave no trace except a neat row of stitches. following this headcannon, the one guy who allegedly did die from EJ woke up in the middle of surgery, freaked out, and moved around while that very sharp scalpel was still inside of him.
moron.
EJ (that's his name from now on, get over it) defines himself as neutral in the war between the Fears and the Creepypastas over our universe (which is gushing with victims and entropy, which both the Fears and the Creepypastas need to survive). Jeff's Zalgo's lieutenant- against his will, since he's the most widely known of the Creepypastas (as far as I can tell, at least...) and has an easier time spreading fear and chaos than most of the other Creepypastas (and that chaos isn't always derived from fear, either. his mobile harem seems to cause it wherever they go, too.)
That's the gidst of it. I'm trying not to spoil much, but I'll tell you this, and let you make of it what you will-
Rosa is most definitely not a Mary Sue.
the universe I have placed her in does not bend to her will.
she is not worshiped by the other characters.
she is no more capable as a Proxy than her fellow Elites.
She is, in fact, very weak and vulnerable when she loses her Proxy status, and because of this she subsequently heavily relies in EJ and Jeff to protect her and help her when she's in a tight scrap- and Jeff only complies because Zalgo told him that he could keep Rosa as his immortal pet and torture victim if she dies of natural causes. EJ does it because he genuinely likes Rosa as a little sister.
She suffers from things like starvation, dehydration, and PTSD during her tenure as a regular person in a world that has been completely been overrun by the entities she used to serve and the ones she used to fight with every fiber of her being. at the end of it all, she's exhausted, alone, and perfectly willing to die without regretting it.
She doesn't have a mysterious source of income- she works as a prostitute and an information broker in the daytime, and often loots her victims when working as a Proxy. College? She earned a substantial scholarship to the local community college for her excellence in athletics, particularly Martial Arts and Track and Field, as well as her (hard earned) excellent grades. between studying for College, her jobs as a prostitute and an information broker, and her Proxy work at night, she's often suffering from sleep deprivation.
Oh, and the director of the orphanage she's staying at (it's set in the future where orphans can't leave the orphanage without being adopted, fostered, or with the expressed permission of the director) likes having his way with her every once in a while, which only adds to her list of problems. as well as the usual consequences- she often has to drop a pay-per-session class at college to pay for an abortion, or treatment (or cure, it's set in the future after all) for yet another STD that he's transmitted to her that could get her fired from her job as a prostitute (which is often the source of the STDs, too).
because of all of this, Rosa's very cynical, sarcastic, and serious all of the time- unless she's trying to screw with someone for information that she can then either report to Slenderman or sell on the black market. Pragmatism is practically her lifestyle- whereas other teenagers her age (she's nineteen) have all sorts of high-tech, updated gadgets with the latest features, the only electronics she has are an old radio that hasn't stopped working in the entire time it's been in her possession (which is her only reason for replacing anything) and a laptop that was made in the 2000s (the story is set circa 2050, so expect a few new technologies to crop up once in a while) that's chipped around the corners and sometimes displays the Blue Screen Of Death. (She 'persuades' the robotics professor at the college to fix it when it does that.) She has no phone, no video game platforms, no car, no motorcycle (although she's taught herself through observation how to hotwire and operate one), and no television set. She doesn't put much faith into the vague hope that someone will come and rescue her when things get bad, mostly due to the fact that no one ever does.
She has no social life, due to the fact that she perpetually views the people around her as sheep being herded by the various cruel shepherds that are the Fears and Creepypastas. because of this, she's shunned by the people around her- and even, at times, bullied by her fellow college kids who are both jealous of her grades (despite her background), and disturbed by her 'freakish' behavior.
So yeah, that's Rosa. Definitely far from the Mary Sue territory. I tried as hard as I could with her on this issue. If you have any suggestions, do advise. if it's flames, I'm going to go get the fire extinguisher.
She's not kidding about that.
... So that's where you've been.
Sorry, I got bored of just listening to Minerva drone on and on and on about how Lucius is bad news, I shouldn't be drooling over a guy with no body, blah blahblah blahblah....
Right. And I'm a fairy princess. what's your real reason for assimilating here, and blocking my attempts to delete your text?
I'm bored as FUCK, what more do you want from me?
I'm sorry, this post is going to have to end here.
